How to choose a jeweller for your engagement ring

A good jeweller should let you inspect the diamond
using a loupe against a white background

You've debated ethics, you've decided how much you want to spend, you've got clued up on the 4Cs and you know your four-claw from your rub over, so it's now it's time to stump up the cash and actually buy the engagement ring.

Depending on your thoughts on the above, finding the right jeweller could be as simple as walking into your nearest shopping centre. However, if you're seeking out an ethical ring, you're options are narrowed considerably – something I quickly discovered.

As a Londoner, the famous jewellery district of Hatton Garden seemed like an obvious first port of call.

But despite its reputation as the go-to place in the capital, I found it a bit intimidating. In the first shop I went in, I encountered the archetypal pushy salesman – more interested in making a quick buck than listening to my requirements.

Before I knew it, he was trying to close the sale with me on a huge diamond well over my price range – I quickly scarpered.

A few days later I decided to take the safer phone approach, but was left equally unimpressed. The guy I spoke to, the co-owner, couldn't even tell me where his diamonds came from.

"I don't really get involved in that side of things," he explained. So much for the Kimberley process.

Widening my search, I came across a place in Mayfair selling Canadian stones and bespoke rings "by appointment only". Although it was tempting to commission my own CAD-designed creation, I couldn't really justify the extra cost – especially when I was just after something simple anyway.

Another "ethical" jeweller my Google search unearthed was right on the outskirts of London and it involved a convoluted journey by bus, tube, train and foot to get there. However, this turned out to be more than worth it as Samara James provided me with a fantastic experience from start to finish.

Being a showroom rather than a shop, the atmosphere was far more relaxed than I had found in Hatton Garden. The sales assistant Julian was also everything you could want: friendly, patient, knowledgeable and reassuring.  

Over a couple of two-hour sessions he answered my numerous questions, allowed me to look at Russian diamonds they had ordered in for me under the microscope and gave me time to deliberate over the settings.

When I got my hands on the beautiful ring they had made for me, I knew all my hard work and effort had been worth it. 

Choosing an engagement ring setting

18kt white gold, four-claw 'compass' setting

After all the work that I put into selecting the diamond itself, I was hoping that choosing a band might be the easiest part of the whole process.

How wrong could I be? From picking the setting to getting the correct size, I found issues at every turn.

Metal for the band

By far the easiest part was selecting the material I wanted. You're pretty much limited to three or four options: gold, white gold, platinum and titanium.

Gold is the classic and cheaper option, while platinum and titanium are more modern and more expensive choices.

I knew my fiancée didn't like gold and I couldn't afford platinum, so white gold was almost chosen for me.

If you do select gold, make sure that what you are buying is ideally 18kt in quality, or you might find after a while that things start to go green – as I explained in 'How much should I spend on an engagement ring?'

It's also worth bearing in mind that white gold gets its shiny appearance from a covering of rhodium, which will scratch and wear off over time. However, this can be re-applied at relatively low cost, so it's nothing to stress over.

Once you've picked your metal, it's time to think about the setting itself.

Setting

There are a surprising number of things to consider when it comes to the setting, from the amount and orientation of the 'claws' to the height that the stone will sit.  

The claws are basically what hold the gem in place and usually vary in number from two to six. There is also something called a 'rub over' where the stone is built into the ring itself.

As I was going for a relatively small diamond, I decided the setting needed to work to show off the stone as much as possible. This meant claws rather than a rub over, and four rather than six prongs to ensure that the diamond wasn't crowded out.

When you choose a four-claw setting, you also have to decide if you want a 'compass' or a square configuration, which makes quite a difference. If you have the prongs arranged at 2 o'clock, 4 o'clock, 8 o'clock and 10 o'clock, an optical illusion makes a round gem look square, whereas if you have a north, south, east, west configuration, it ensures you retain the stone's round appearance.  

I also went for quite an open design, so that both the top and bottom of diamond were visible, but one that did not elevate the stone too high (Tiffany-style settings are particularly tall), as I figured this would make it less likely to catch on things when my fiancée was wearing it. What a considerate boyfriend I was.

Ring size

Last, but by no means least, you've got to pick a size.

If, like me, you want the proposal to be a complete surprise, this can be the trickiest part – especially when your girlfriend doesn't normally wear rings. Not to mention that ring sizes are another unintuitive series of letters, much as with diamond colour.

All I had to go on was Grandma's ring, which I knew at least fitted on her finger.  This led me to a size M/N, which as it turns out was quite large.

Having ordered the ring, I began to get worried that it would be massive on her finger, so I managed to trick her into going to a jewellers to get it measured on the pretence I would get her Grandma's ring restored. Cunning, I know.

The resulting text message came as quite a shock. Size J – a full three/four sizes smaller than her Grandma's ring. Cue a panicked phone call to the jewellers.

In the end I plumped for one size bigger than what she had measured just to ensure that the ring would definitely fit on the day – there's surely nothing worse than getting a 'yes', but not actually being able to put the ring on.